


Remorse and Regrets

by SpiderShell



Category: Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton
Genre: Confused Qui-Gon Jinn, Depressed Obi-Wan Kenobi, Gen, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiderShell/pseuds/SpiderShell
Summary: It was a cold evening, and Obi-Wan had not brought his cloak. He sat, back against one of the Temple’s tall spires, and hugged his knees to his chest. As the light failed and rain began to fall, Obi-Wan finally lost control of his emotions. He sobbed for the death of Master Tahl and the pain that Bant must be going through, but most of all, he sobbed for his Master and how he had lost him forever.If only I had been a better padawan. It’s all my fault…Is it selfish to want my Master to forgive me? I know I don’t deserve it, but I want him to speak to me again, place his hand firmly on my shoulder. He’s shut me out, and rightly so, but it still hurts. He shielded our bond so tightly that I almost can’t sense his emotions. He was like my father, and now I’ve lost him.Oh, it’s all my fault.
Relationships: Bant Eerin & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon/Tahl (mentioned)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 65





	Remorse and Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Skylarstar was interested in seeing a fic about Obi and Qui-Gon, so here it is!! (I wrote this a year ago, so I apologise if it sounds cheesy haha) (also: I have no idea how to link an author/profile to a fic, so if anyone knows how, please tell me!! xD)

Obi-Wan sat at his desk, staring blankly at the assignment laid out before him. The guilt clouded his mind, made it unable to think and focus properly. With a sniffle, he placed the sheet of equations on the pile of abandoned homework. He decided to try to attempt it again once his mind was clearer.

The boy got up and knelt beside his bed, reaching underneath to pull out a box. Glancing around to make sure no one was watching, he opened it and pulled out a datapad. He used this pad as a journal but hid it so that his Master would not read it and be disappointed with his thoughts and feelings. Qui-Gon was disappointed enough with him at the moment anyway, and rightly so.

With a sigh, he returned to his desk and poured out his mind.

_It’s been two weeks since that fateful mission to New Apsolen.My master has hardly moved since then. He barely eats or talks, though why he would want to talk to me is beyond my ken. After all, it’s my fault that his best friend is dead. And he’ll never forgive me for it. But I understand; I would never forgive myself either._

_I miss Master Tahl so much. She was almost like the mother I never knew, and now she’s gone. Her death plays in my dreams every night, refusing to let me go. I wonder if Master knows that I’m having nightmares? Sometimes, if it’s a really bad one (which most nights it is), I can’t go back to sleep because I’m too scared. I suppose that if Master knows, he doesn’t care. It’s only a matter of time until he reputes me anyway. I wonder if I’ll be sent offworld to work the mines on Bandomeer?_

_I still can’t believe what happened. If I hadn’t been so slow or gotten injured, then that blaster shot wouldn’t have hit Master Tahl. If only I had been a better padawan. It’s all my fault…_

_Is it selfish to want my Master to forgive me? I know I don’t deserve it, but I want him to speak to me again, place his hand firmly on my shoulder. He’s shut me out, and rightly so, but it still hurts. He shielded our bond so tightly that I almost can’t sense his emotions. He was like my father, and now I’ve lost him._

_Oh, it’s all my fault._

Obi-Wan shoved the datapad back under his bed and went to stand at the corner of his bedroom, facing the common area. Qui-Gon was sitting on his beige meditation cushion, staring out the window like he had for the past fourteen days. His face was emotionless, but underneath was a torrent of grief and anguish.

“Master?” Obi-Wan called softly.

For a few moments, there was no reaction from Qui-Gon to show that he had heard. Then Obi-Wan heard him say “What?” in a dull voice, not even turning to acknowledge the boy.

Obi-Wan’s face fell and he swallowed. “Nothing, Master. It’s alright.”

“Don’t disturb me,” came the reply.

Defeated, Obi-Wan hung his head and slowly trudged out the door. Why had this had to happen? He knew that he could only blame himself for the lives he had ruined.

“Obi!” As the female voice called out to him, Obi-Wan was reminded of another life he had ruined - Master Tahl’s padawan, Bant Eerin, who was also his closest friend.

“Obi, what’s wrong?” Bant caught up to him and touched his arm, her expressive brown eyes wide. “You look terrible.”

“I’m alright, Bant,” Obi-Wan said hesitantly. He didn’t want to burden his kind-hearted friend.

“No, you’re not.” Firmly, Bant pulled him down the hallway to a beautiful indoor garden where she pushed him to a bench. “Tell me, honestly.”

“Master Qui-Gon doesn’t want me and I’m sure he’s going to repute me as his padawan.”

Bant gave a start. “What! Why?”

“Because…because I killed Master Tahl.” Obi-Wan’s eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry, Bant. I know-”

“Obi, you didn’t kill my master!” Bant interrupted, looking shocked. “Whyever would you think that?”

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by the sound of Bant’s com going off. She looked up at him in surprise. “Master Windu wants me to meet with him. I wonder why.”

“Maybe he wants you to do something for him,” Obi-Wan suggested, desperately trying to keep his tears in check. “You’d better hurry.”

“Yes, I should,” Bant agreed. She paused and narrowed her eyes at him. “I’ll come talk with you later.”

Obi-Wan nodded, waiting until she was gone before leaving the room. He needed to find somewhere where he could be alone and think through his feelings uninterrupted. What better place than the roof of the Jedi Temple? No one would look for him there.

* * *

It was a cold evening, and Obi-Wan had not brought his cloak. He sat, back against one of the Temple’s tall spires, and hugged his knees to his chest. As the light failed and rain began to fall, Obi-Wan finally lost control of his emotions. He sobbed for the death of Master Tahl and the pain that Bant must be going through, but most of all, he sobbed for his Master and how he had lost him forever.

* * *

Qui-Gon suddenly sat up straight, feeling like he had been shocked. The mental bond between him and his padawan was screaming in the Force, and as he prodded it, he was stunned by the sheer amount of despair cascading through it.

“Obi-Wan!” he gasped, leaping to his feet and running out the door. Something terrible had happened to his padawan, and he was far away. How had he not sensed this earlier?

He suddenly felt guilty for the harsh words he had spoken to his padawan earlier. What if he had caused this flare of emotion?

As he followed Obi-Wan’s Force trail, he almost collided with Mace Windu, who had also sensed the disturbance. Behind him was Bant; the girl looked terrified. “Something’s happened to Obi!” she gasped. “I knew something was wrong with him!”

“What do you mean?” Qui-Gon asked, struggling to suppress his anxiety.

“Before Master Mace commed me, I was talking to Obi in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. He thinks that he killed Master Tahl and you are going to repute him, that he isn’t going to be your padawan anymore.”

“Oh, Force!” Qui-Gon moaned, feeling suddenly sick. “That’s not true at all. Tahl’s death was not his fault, not in the slightest. Oh, how long has he been feeling like this? To think that he believes I don’t want him anymore! What have I done?”

The three burst onto the Temple’s roof. Through the pouring rain and haze, Qui-Gon made out a figure slumped against the closest spire. Instantly, he recognised his padawan and started sprinting towards him.

* * *

Obi-Wan couldn’t recall how long he sat at the spire. He was so cold but would not let himself go back inside the Temple. He was punishing himself for the pain and grief he had caused.

His mind started to grow hazy and tremors shook his body. Alternate waves of cold and heat swept through him as the rain came down harder and half-turned to sleet.

A dark figure burst out of the mist and sprinted towards him. Obi-Wan was too weak to move, but he recognised his Master’s Force-presence. Fear rose in him and he desperately tried to move away; Qui-Gon would certainly punish him for hiding away.

He was shocked beyond belief when his Master knelt beside him and scooped him up, cradling his head as he rose to his feet and hurried into the Temple. Obi-Wan’s head lolled back onto his Master’s chest, and he focused on the soothing heartbeats. Qui-Gon’s arms tightened around him as he sent waves of calm and comfort through their master-padawan bond to the sick and exhausted boy.

Why is Master doing this? Obi-Wan thought. He hates me…

/ _Oh, my sweet Obi,_ / came Qui-Gon’s voice through their bond, / _I don’t hate you. I am so sorry that I have made you feel like this. None of this is your fault; please believe me._ /

_Obi, he finally called me Obi!_ was Obi-Wan’s last thought before he lost consciousness.

* * *

When Obi-Wan blinked his heavy eyes open, the first thing he was aware of was that he was tucked against something warm and cosy. He closed his eyes again, exhausted to his core and content to doze, when he suddenly jolted awake, remembering the huge pile of assignments awaiting him.

“Shh, relax,” a voice crooned in his ear. “I’ve notified your teachers, Padawan. You have been very sick and need to rest.”

Obi-Wan opened his eyes again to see that he was in his Master’s room. He was lying against Qui-Gon, swaddled in thick blankets. Shocked and embarrassed, he tried to squirm away, but was halted by his Master. “No you don’t, Obi,” Qui-Gon said. “I need to keep an eye on you; you had a seizure last night.”

The boy froze. “I did?” he managed to rasp.

“Yes, sitting in the rain and cold last night gave you a severe chest infection and the beginnings of pneumonia.” Qui-Gon’s eyes were sad. “I’m so sorry, Padawan. I caused you to feel terribly about yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”

“What do you mean?” Obi-Wan asked. “How do you know that?”

Qui-Gon held up a very familar datapad. “I found your journal, and Bant talked to me as well.” He paused to gather his thoughts. “I didn’t act the way I did because I blamed you. I was grieving, but I should have taken the time to comfort you.”

“But it was my fault she died. If I hadn’t been so careless as to get injured, then-”

“Stop, Obi!” commanded Qui-Gon. “Nothing happens by accident, so it was the will of the Force that Tahl died; I realise that now. It was not your fault in the least. If anyone is to blame for anything, it is me for allowing you to think like this. Will you please forgive me?”

Obi-Wan made a choked noise and dove forward, throwing his arms around his Master. “Of course!” he sobbed.

“Thank you,” Qui-Gon murmured, resting his chin on his padawan’s head. “And thank you for thinking of me as your father.”

The boy’s arms tightened in response, and the master-padawan pair was reconciled.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think??? Feel free to post any comments, suggestions, or constructive criticism :))


End file.
